So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
