We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
