I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
