sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
someone owes me an orgasm
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
