At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He felt like a one man threesome
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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