I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
