I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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