Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My balls are so social today.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
