I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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