She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
