Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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