wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
there was a trapeze. enough said
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
