Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
