weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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