fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
