I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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