So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
