If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
