i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
