I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
