Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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