did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
