Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
