Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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