You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
