Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
