I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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