Sry I called you an 8
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
