You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
