Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
