the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
