I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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