either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
