im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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