people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
