I feel great
I just peed on a car
love makes seman taste better
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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