so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
