i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
