Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
