ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
