There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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