If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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