Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
