Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
