nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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