i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
