she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
