Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
