I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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