yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
