It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Welp...herpes.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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