If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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